A recent Kinesiology experience or should I say life experience brings me to talk about reflexes and relationships, or better still, Reflexes IN Relationships. Not because I feel “that” comfortable sharing personal experiences like this, but because by doing so, it may help someone else, or better still, the whole fear of being judged ties in so perfectly with the core issue of the balance itself. So, after almost 4 years of studying Kinesiology, and doing many workshops, and giving and receiving numerous balances, most recently I have had one of the most powerful balances I have ever received. It was at a recent workshop doing Primitive Reflexes and intuitively that day I had the feeling it would be strong. Firstly, what is a Moro? , The Moro reflex is an infantile reflex normally present in all infants/newborns up to 3 or 4 months of age as a response to a sudden loss of support, when the infant feels as if it is falling. It involves three distinct components: spreading out the arms (abduction) unspreading the arms (adduction) crying (usually). The primary significance of the Moro reflex is in evaluating the integration of the central nervous system. (There will be more on this subject later….)
The balance that came up for me was “Energetic Moro in Relationships”, and it had some chakras attached to it which were; earth star, base and solar plexus chakras. This balance has a slight twist on a “normal” primitive reflex balance, and the basis or theory of this balance was developed by my teacher Hugo Tobar, inspired by the work of his friend, quantum psychologist Stephen Wolinsky and his book “Intimate relationships, why they do and do not work”.
“Unrealistic expectations are the culprit in relationship problems.” According to Dr. Wolinsky, and through Kinesiology, we can explore this theory in more detail, by looking for the root causes of unrealistic expectations: separation, resistance to separation, and “desire for merger.” If you have ever been lonely either in a relationship or even being single, that need or desire to have someone to “fill that void” this balance may be for you. It is the unresolved resistance to separation which leads people to expect partners to act as parents and fulfil past-time needs in the present. The further extension of this subconscious demand is not seeing or experiencing the partner as a human being in the present.
Essentially, when we are in the first 7-12 months of life, we have the awareness that we are “separate” from our mother, and this can cause an “energetic shock” that stays with us. THis shock or separation causes us to seek that union agian, our whole life, leading to unhealthy ways of relating to ourself (as we are not “enough”) and having unrealistic expectations of other to “fill that void”. Indicators associated with this imbalance may lead us to explore issues such as; mother, nurture, bonding, control, perfectionism, panic/isolation, codependency, boundaries, and self-esteem. This energetic shock can be “corrected” or “de-sensitized” in Kinesiology, essentially taking the urgency, or void out of the equation.
If I were to think of one key word for this balance, it would be “boundaries”.
After having had this balance, it felt as though my internal compass had been re-arranged. It felt as though the interface between myself and the world had shifted, changing the way I literally felt about people and life. The feeling of “something missing” I supposed had lessened. I can’t say the balance was easy, (or should I say felt easy) in fact I was irritated, depressed, anxious, couldn’t think straight or articulate what was wrong. I have wanted to be in the cave to process this balance more and more over the past 2 weeks. In my personal growth and development, I have explored the notions revolving around relationships, codependency, communication, boundaries, and self-esteem, however, this was one balance that seemed to encompass all of these issues into one. In fact, when I am looking at either symptoms or root causes, this one I believe fell under the latter. During and after the balance my central nervous system was on edge, any slight noise was irritating, people talking were irritating, my senses went into overload, I felt like running for the hills. All I knew was that something massive had shifted, and I needed to be alone, isolated, “in the cave” as these old patterns and neural pathways re-laid themselves. Often in a situation like this, as a practitioner, I would say to a client, if you are uncomfortable or not coping after a balance, come in for another session so that I can balance the symptoms of a previous balance. But for me personally, I did not want another balance, in fact, I didn’t want to go anywhere near Kinesiology. It was like my inner core said “ENOUGH” already. Instead, I needed to go easy, literally not think about it, and just allow this processing to take place all on its own.
The only way I could probably describe this balance was that my inner compass of how I viewed people/ life/ the world had considerably shifted, and I felt no-longer felt energetically entwined or engrossed with issues/ people that had previously drawn me in. I literally “felt” different after this balance.
So how do I know I have an energetic Moro in relationships? How may this play out?
Feeling not lovable, not good enough, inadequate. Underneath are feelings of shame and guilt. Perfectionism is the perfect “cover-up’ and the need to control the underlying feelings.
Can you say no? Does it cause anxiety? Do you sacrifice your own needs to accommodate others? People pleasers feel they don’t have a choice but to please others.
This is a classic Solar plexus and Energetic Relationship Moro issue. Boundaries are your energetic immune system and applies to all areas, eg- your body, mind, beliefs, money, thoughts, opinions, and needs. Some people with a strong energetic Moro in relationships feel SO disempowered, it can play out with really ridged boundaries, eg- they are so closed off and withdrawn (for fear of “getting it wrong” that they won’t allow others to get close to them. Some people flip between weak and rigid boundaries. People with chronic health issues should also explore this Moro and its associated chakras.
When someone has poor boundaries, they react to everyone’s thoughts or feelings or even take them personally? (rather than seeing that person as having their own issues and this is how they deal with them). When you implement and maintain healthy boundaries, and take care of yourself, you will see that someone who is acting a certain way is not a reflection of you, but it is just their opinion or way of doing things, or they are dealing with their “own stuff”. You will no longer feel threatened by disagreements or change.
Empathy and sympathy are natural responses, but when out of balance, may manifest as you giving up yourself, you put that person before yourself, you want to “fix” others, they would rather ‘fix and change” others to make themselves feel better, when really it is an excuse for not “fixing or changing” themselves. You have heard of the term “empath” right? And the classic dynamic between the empath and narcissist? The empath may even feel rejected or angry if that person doesn’t want their help.
Control helps some people feel safe and secure. Structure and certainty are needed in life in many respects because no one wants to live in uncertainty or chaos, but for some people, the need for control impinges on their ability to take risks and share feelings. A sign of an addiction to helping someone “loosen up” the need for control is something like “drug or alcohol” addiction, or even “workaholism”. Do you like to control others because you need them to behave in a certain way so that you “feel okay?” Do you like to manipulate others to get what you want? Do you try to violate other peoples boundaries to get what you want? Control and manipulation can be a mask for not being able to face your own vulnerability or express your own needs.
Are you comfortable communicating your own thoughts, feelings or needs? For some people, they cannot identify their own thoughts/ feelings or needs, let alone express them. There is a choice: avoidance of speaking own truth leading to social isolation VS honest communication of feelings to establish strong relationships, bonds and intimacy.
Are you a serial relationship hopper, due to feeling depressed, lonely or anxious when being by yourself for too long. Do you need other people to like you to feel okay about yourself? Can you function on your own? Do you stay in a relationship for too long, even if the relationship is painful or abusive? Do you feel trapped?
Problems with intimacy
Sexual dysfunction may be a reflection of an intimacy problem, but this is also about being open and close to someone in a relationship. If you have a core fear of shame, being judged or rejected, losing your autonomy, then part of you becomes “unavailable”, and by default you tend to seek others who are “emotionally unavailable”. For the woman who complains of always attracting “emotionally unavailable men” may need to look at her own vulnerability and communication.
So perhaps one way of looking to balance our “need for merger” is to look at our “need for separation”. This will require a deep level of honesty. Pick a person you may have this apply to. Ask yourself what is it about this person that you are trying to make them fulfil within yourself? Is it something like security?
Then the question would be “how can I give myself that security I deeply yearn for”. You may need to go deeper, is it financial security, emotional security, is it to just be held or nurtured?
One last thing, I have learned the powerful work we can do when using Archetypes. These are some classic archetypes associated with this Solar Plexus and Energetic Moro in Relationships issue:
“Generosity cannot exist without boundaries”
Do any of these roles ring a bell? I know they have for me. This seems like a huge issue to read about all at once, but thanks to Kinesiology and muscle testing, we can prioritize the actual key issue, and tease it out further. Also, when working with the physiology and nervous system and brain and brain stem, we can quite literally take the stress out of your physiology.
Do I feel powerless most of the time? Do I have realistic expectations in relationships? Is perhaps the question we need to ask ourselves. If you answered YES to either of the previous questions, then iBalance Kinesiology can help you. Contact us today to schedule a FREE consultation.