Coming to the end of this year has filled me with all types of questions, emotions, and uncertainties. The thing is, at the very same time, I also have this underlying feeling of calmness and resolution and knowingness that I have been through this before, and I know when I find my center, I already have the answers. We have just completed another Mercury in Retrograde cycle, and as much as it has brought up deeply suppressed belief systems and avoidance patterns and where I may have had areas of confusion before, now things are becoming much more clear.
As much as I know change is constant, it can still be unsettling. But this isn’t just about adapting to change, for me, it has also been about finding the strength amidst this change, and to go through the process, despite the fear and doubt, rather than defaulting to familiarity. It is not about being completely driven by my emotions, and knowing when to adhere and listen, and when to listen and say, “Well, I am going to do this anyway!”. So what is vulnerability, and what does it bring up? Feelings of loneliness, isolation, sadness, confusion, doubt? So if we can focus on the polar opposite of that, which is essentially “well-being, peace, security, harmony, knowingness”, then we realize it is in our hands to achieve that for ourselves, and no other person can deliver it to us or essentially take it away.
This cycle has brought up my temptations to return to old familiar patterns, you know, those well laid- down super-highways of “survival”, which are based on fear. The side-tracking, procrastinating, the excuse-making and blaming. “I want reassurance and comfort and security while I take the risk”, while I know deep down it is like trying to travel North and South at the same time. I have to choose one direction!
The road less traveled can seem perhaps trepidatious, or even dangerous, and yes, it does require courage.
I had a Kinesiology session approximately 18months ago, and my Kinesiologist told me that due to conditioning and also cellular memory, I was taking on the belief that it was a woman’s role to be the “support person” and that I was handing my power over to men who I perceived to be stronger/ smarter/ more capable than me. I subconsciously did not trust myself to survive, let alone live the life of my dreams, and that I was looking to be protected and looked after. Once I had this awareness, there was no turning back. Every time that temptation takes a hold, I immediately ask myself, “what do I really want?” In honoring my life-path, and all of the experiences and lessons I have learned so far, I would have to start to actually acknowledge that I am here to do something unique (to me), and to actually create the work and the life that I want. It would require me to step up, to be brave, to trust that I can do it.
This may sound like a familiar tune to many women, this “default mode” of putting our dreams on the back-burner. So long as we realize that we DO have the choice, and it doesn’t have to be that way. Yes, of course, bills need to be paid, children need to be supported, but we can start off small, really small, as long as we start.
So how do we act on the realization and awareness that we actually DO have a choice? And how do we start to honor our own dreams, and higher life path? How do we step out of deep conditioning of family constellation patterns where we say “hang on a second, what is right for me?” Perhaps it starts with seeing our lives in two distinct paths and seeing where they take us. Perhaps it starts with asking questions like; “if money wasn’t a factor, how would I like to be spending my time?” Or maybe it is “start with the end in mind”. Maybe we need a 10-year goal, not a 2-year goal, because that gives us time and leeway to make mistakes and procrastinate a little here and there. Or perhaps we need to plan time to dream and ponder, by setting a day or half day per week to dream and be inspired or read or let our imagination and intuition guide us.
The road less traveled can seem perhaps trepidatious, or even dangerous, and yes, it does require courage. It may require us to acknowledge our deepest most suppressed emotions and belief systems that inhibit our growth, and this may be difficult and even painful. And no, there are no guarantees, and these roads aren’t for the light-hearted.
“We don’t have to fight with every feeling that comes up. Sometimes we just gotta ride the wave and experience ourselves. ” Isn’t this nice?! This quote came as a timely reminder recently, especially as sometimes it is hard to see the forest for the trees. This was written by the lovely Cleo Wade. (follow her on Instagram!)
Have you thought about the notion of doing what you really want to do, and then notice that subconscious brain thing going on that almost lassos you back in with a big “yeah….BUT?….” ! My teacher and mentor always tells us “listen to your crown chakra”, in other words, listen to your inner guidance system. This is how I also guide my clients, the hard part is, it really enforces that I practice what I preach, but this is good, as it keeps me in check. Just because we choose to be true to ourselves, it doesn’t mean we go skipping off into the sunset and live happily ever after. But what is the cost of not even trying? Maybe it requires a mindset of “making mistakes is exciting and educational” rather than “making mistakes is being a failure”. Or “how messy am I willing to get in this process?” The Wizard of Oz offers a powerful metaphor, on her way along the yellow brick road, Dorothy and her companions discover that all they are looking for is within themselves, in the power of the group and the uniqueness of each of its members.
“Toto, I’ve a feeling we‘re not in Kansas anymore”
So now that I choose to fulfill my life-path and mission, which is to empower people on their healing journey, I realize that in reality, this process is also my healing. By following my higher path, (ie, the yellow brick road) I attract synergistically other travelers who are on a similar yet different journey. Together we celebrate our uniqueness and the different aspects we bring out in each other.
I just wanted to cap off by saying this. It may seem like a luxury or “out there” idea to take our life by the horns and decide to follow our purpose. However, I have been on the healing journey for the past few years, and a series of stressors tricked off a cascade of physiological problems, which essentially stemmed from not living authentically, in other words, I was forced to make a significant change in order to get well. So I can really vouch first hand the stress of not living to our life path, and the havoc it wreaks on our immune system, biochemistry, and relationships. So for 2018, although I am yet to really write some things down, which I plan to in January, I now decide to let go of the next layer of what doesn’t serve me, I continue to be honest with myself, I forgive myself when I make slip-ups, and I embrace this new phase not knowing exactly where it is going. I also thank my clients for allowing me into their personal space and lives and trusting me with their core issues, and for being my teacher too. I look forward to a new year of sharing and following our higher paths together.